IN A STRAIGHT WORLD

From a letter:

"I don't speak for all gay people,

but only for myself.

I am your brother, your best friend, your parent,

your roommate, your minister, your date

...but I hide it from you.

You make me.

Try to understand what I am feeling.

BEING GAY IS:

To be condemned by most churches as sinful,

by some health professionals as pathological and curable,

and by some laws as criminal.

It's to live two separate lives,

never being able to be completely honest in either.

It's listening to your fellow human beings talking about queers

and making jokes about effeminate males

and athletic looking females

as you stand there,

knowing they would say the same thing about you.

It's to go along with the women/men

as they watch men/women

when you would rather watch

people of your own gender.

It's to awaken every morning,

live every day,

and go to sleep every night fearing discovery and/or rejection

by your family, friends and co-workers.

It's dating people of the opposite gender

when you really don't want to,

just to maintain a cover.

It's pretending to be ignorant about homosexuality

and quietly listening to your straight friends

displaying their ignorance

while you dare not correct them.

It's meeting someone you really like

but are too afraid to find out if they're gay

because they're wearing the same mask as you.

It's going to a public place with your significant other

and never being able to display any affection

to each other, not even holding hands...

It's being taught to hate yourself

knowing that you cannot change,

knowing you can never share that wonderful feeling

of being in love with your family and most of your friends.

Now isn't this totally unfair?

Then again, people seem to believe all of life is anyway,

so ...

I am 18 and I have no choice

but to live my "so-called life" like this.

One day

I will try to change this,

I promise..."

N.N.

music: show me the meaning of being lonely

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